Sad Moth Picks a New National Anthem

There's been a lot of discussion of the national anthem in the news lately.  While all of this discourse will continue to keep websites such as facebook.com and twitter.com in business, and any thing said on a measly little music blog such as Sad Moth Music will amount to little more than a whisper in a room full of yells, we here at Sad Moth think it is important to bring our perspective to the issue.

Our main thesis is this:  whatever you think about the national anthem and its symbology, the song FUCKING SUCKS.  But that's not really Thomas Jefferson (or whoever wrote the song)'s fault.  Most old music is boring and lame.  Anyone with a dad knows that.  The national anthem is no different.  It's corny, drawn out, boring, with few original ideas.  It does nothing that wasn't done better, by more influential artists.  It's a 3/10 track at best.

So, what are we getting at?  We need a new national anthem.  Something fresh, something hip, something catchy.  A good anthem is short, about a minute and a half, and it should be simple and recognizable.  Furthermore, as the anthem is so often performed at large sporting events and other large, outdoor events, the anthem should sound good being blasted out of old PA speakers.  It should not be rendered unrecognizable as it echoes of the walls of a massive football stadium, or wafts over the heads of thousands at 4th of July fireworks show.

After weeks of vetting and debate at the Sad Moth offices, we winnowed the candidates for the new national anthem down to six great, timeless songs.  We then produced video simulations for each of the six songs, which can be found below.  These video simulations aim to emulate the tone that each song will set.  The audio for each song has also been altered.  Reverb, echo, and low pass filters have been added to suggest what the songs will sound like in the settings the videos display.  Watch each video thoroughly, and at the end, we will throw up a poll to let the Sad Moth readership decide which song is most fit to be the new national anthem.

1:  Sonic the Hedgehog 2: Special Stage Theme

Here we see how the special stage theme from Sonic the Hedgehog 2 exquisitely embodies the American pride on display at a Republican Presidential Debate.  The song is short, simple and repetitive, and really gets your toe tapping!  This is a personal favorite, and I think a front runner to be the new national anthem.

2: M.I.A.: Paper Planes

All I wanna do is *bang* *bang* *bang* and a *cha-ching* salute the flag!  M.I.A's paper planes is one of the best songs of all time, and a millennial favorite.    The opening notes are iconic, and the chorus is dope as fuck.  We ran the numbers, and we project the U.S. government could increase patriotism by 45% simply by changing the national anthem to M.I.A's Paper Planes.

3: Alestorm: You Are a Pirate (Lazytown Cover)

There's nothing that brings people together quite like a power metal rendition of a sea shanty composed for an Icelandic children's show.  If America is looking to cultivate more of a swashbuckling, seafaring, yar-de-har-har type image, then Alestorm's cover of Lazytown's You Are a Pirate is a fantastic choice.

4: Bon Iver: Holocene

Here we have a dark horse.  Holocene is calm, cyclical, and serene.  But it is also quietly powerful, and plays well in large rooms due to how erethral the song already is.  If the united states is looking to appeal the a more chinstroking "indie" audience, this is definitely the way to go.

5.:  Tim and Eric: Beaver Boys

This one is actually a simulation of what the Russian national anthem would sound like if it were changed to the "Beaver Boys" them from the TV show Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job!  It has little to do with this article, but we thought it was such an obvious choice for the Russian national anthem we decided to include it anyway.  "Beaver Boys", quite simply, understands and encompasses the spirit of Russia in a way unlike any song I have ever heard.  The history, the virtues of the people, the vast and ruggedly beautiful landscape.  It's all there in "Beaver Boys".

 

6: No Trend: Reality Breakdown

Nothing says an appreciation for our troops, respect for our government and pride in our flag like PUNK ROCK!  "Reality Breakdown" by No Trend is the obvious choice for a punk national anthem.  Its chorus of 

"Reality breakdown
Reality breakdown
Reality breakdown
Reality breakdown
Someone tell me what to do
Someone tell me what to do"

embodies the American virtues of respect for authority, and hard work.


So what do you think?  Which of these six are the best? Share your opinions in the poll below!!!