Sad Moth Smackdown: Boris' Amplifier Worship vs. Melvins' Lysol

just another fucking episode of our bullshit.  week, it's DRONE FOR DAYZ with

bORIS VS MElvins

amplifier WORSHIP vs LYSoL

Sad Moth Smackdown: Alice In Chains' Facelift vs. Soundgarden's Badmotorfinger

Sad mothsters discuss, compare and contrast the relative quality of two grunge albums sung by dead guys.  How the fuck is eddie vedder the last one left? How???

Sad Moth Smackdown: Elvis Costello's "This Year's Model" vs. Tom Petty's "Damn the Torpedos"

Back by no one's demand.

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Hug it out fellas!

Sad Moth Smackdown: Green Day's "Dookie" vs. Blink-182's "Enema of the State"

Real-life teenager SHIG joins the guys to talk seminal pop-punk LPs from the late 90's.

Sad Moth Smackdown: The Fray's "How to Save a Life" vs. Train's "Drops of Jupiter"

The east side kidz from the bay dissect two seminal alt-rock LPs from the mid-00's, The Fray's "How to Save a Life" and Train's "Drops of Jupiter".  Is Over My Head (Cable Car) a certified banger?  How does the rest of "Drops of Jupiter" hold up after it's stand out track?  Is Napa Auto Parts a nice place to work?  Answers to those questions in more in the audio that follows!

Sad Moth Smackdown: R.E.M.'s "Out of Time" vs. Teenage Fanclub's "Bandwagonesque"

Things get a little ~~heated~~ as our intrepid Sad Moth Podcasters Noah and Patrick go toe to toe over the relative merit of Out of Time by R.E.M. and Bandwagonesque by Teenage Fanclub.  **Warning** This one is VERY LONG and goes off the rails about halfway through as things get contentious over the quality of "Losing My Religion".  Listen with caution!

 

Sad Moth Interviews: the boy

Sad Moth asks the hard hitting questions with Andy Lewis of the boy.  We get down and dirty, discussing the Shangri-Las, lo-fi, how to write songs and other cool shit.  Listen to Andy's music at theboy.bandcamp.com.

Hey Gals: Here's What Your Tinder Anthem REALLY Says About You!

On tinder, you have an option of list an "anthem" on your profile.  One song that you hope will attract exactly the type of person you're looking for.   The choice can say a lot about you.  What most women don't realize is just how much their choice of song can say about them.  Below is a list of common choices for tinder anthems, and short outlines of the kind of signals that these song choices are sending to me, the guy.  At the end of each, I'll tell you how I expect our relationship to go.

Are you sending out the right signals? Read on to find out!

Me, Myself & I -- G-Easy
You're bubbly and fun and looking for a guy to go on adventures with.  You have a dangerous Chipotle obsession and work part time while you're in college as a barista.  You are a little crazy ~~ hahaha ;) ~~ especially when someone gets you talking about the need for sustainable fishing methods off the Florida coast in order to keep the stone crab population stable.  Two years ago you ate ten Warheads extreme sour candies at once, and ever since you've had an eye twitch.  We'll match, I'll message first and we'll have an idle 3 message conversation and never talk again.

Somebody Else -- The 1975
You're not looking for anything serious and have changed your hair color so many times you've forgotten if you're a blond or a brunette... lol.  You're a devoted fan of Scandal and are 420 friendly.  Your older sister just went into the Peace Corps before she goes to med school and that just about sums up how you've lived your entire life in her shadow.  You have a 4.0 in college and it still isn't good enough.  It'll never be good enough, will it mom?  Your mom is right though.  You do have mannishly-wide shoulders and you better be funny with that face.  We won't match.

Holy Grail -- Jay-Z
You're mysterious.  After all, if you're gonna pick a Jay-Z song, why the hell would it be one off of Magna Carta/Holy Grail?  No one knows.  What we do know is that you can't get enough of cheesy pick up lines, or travel.  We'll match, go on three dates and things will go well, at which point you'll try and convert me to the Church of the Latter Day Saints and propose marriage.  Really needing to get my nut, I'll consider it in a recklessly serious way, but ultimately turn you down because I've taken you to Denny's three times now and every time you get the all you can eat pancakes which is just way too intense for me.

rockstar -- Post Malone
You like Post Malone so you're probably trash.  Every single picture on your profile is you with a snapchat filter.  You like Life cereal and maple-flavored oatmeal, both of which are huge red flags.  You have orange juice, grapefruit juice, and apple juice in your fridge, and no one knows why you need that much juice but they're all certain it can't be a good sign.  You take three mints after you eat at Chili's because you think if you take more than one it's considered stealing and it gives you a rush.  I'll swipe left.

Low Life -- Future
You're a sassy girl not looking for anything serious.  You're just trying to drop it low and party, and what's wrong with that?  Your profile has three pics and all of them are group selfies, forcing anyone who wants to figure out which one you are to flip between them and use process of elimination.  You say that you're a sagittarius.  You don't believe in astrology you just thought it's sexy to say you're a sagittarius.  You have a bad habit of scarfing down sour cream and onion chips right before you have sex, and keep telling yourself you need to stop because you smell like sour cream and onion chips for the rest of the night, but you keep doing it anyway because you fucking love sour cream and onion chips and don't have the self-control to stop.  Your dad listens to "Rumors" by Fleetwood Mac every day while getting ready for work and, while you acknowledge that it's a classic, at this point you've listened to it so many times you kinda just out-and-out hate it.  We'll match, I'll message you but you won't respond.

After the Afterparty -- Charli XCX
I dunno. This one it's hard to tell.  We'll go on one date to the movies and you'll leave halfway through.  You say your roommate just texted you saying your apartment burned down and your cat died in the fire.  I'm suspicious you're making up an excuse so you can ditch me.

Gucci Gang -- Lil Pump
You're bio is just emojis.  You have one picture and it's of your tits.  hehehe.  You're a straight up ho.  You smell like ramen all the time for some reason.  You left your last boyfriend after you sucked him off so well his asshole prolapsed and you realized he didn't deserve you.  You've seen every episode of Baywatch ten times and can quote every episode from memory.  You wear a velour sweatshirt and sweatpants every day, all year long.  In the winter that becomes a problem because you can put old people into cardiac arrest with your static shocks.  We won't match, but I'll see you on the local news one day after you get arrested with a pound of weed stuffed inside a jumbo bag of Werther's Originials in the trunk of your car.

Snapback -- Old Dominion
A country girl!  You're looking for a man who drives a truck, hunts on Friday, drinks on Saturday, and gets up for church on Sunday.  You own cowboy boots and an Eric Church 2011 North American tour t-shirt.  One time you went to the lake with your girlfriends, came back in the afternoon and went to Pizza Ranch for dinner.  You were really dehydrated but you straight up inhaled like 12 slices of that apple-strudel dessert pizza.  On the drive home that shit started settling into the bottom of your stomach like a rock, and you had to pull over and run into a Wal Mart, but you didn't make it to the bathroom in time, and ended up puking your guts out into a handbag in the women's section.  You looked around and no one seemed to have noticed, so you just bought some milk and eggs and went home.  We won't match.

Closer -- The Chainsmokers
You're a foodie, and a bit of a rich girl.  Your profile pics are all in different exotic locations.  You're an anthropology major and aren't looking for hookups.  Guys seem to really like you until you show them your Big Mouth Billy Bass novelty singing fish.  You understand you could be catching way more dick if you didn't carry around a plastic singing fish that sings "Don't Worry, Be Happy" when you press a button, but you know if a guy stays around after you show him your Big Mouth Billy Bass, he's a keeper.  One time you wanted to dump a boyfriend, but you were too scared to end it, so you fed him some Haribo sugar-free gummy bears and left quietly while he was locked in the bathroom taking loud, explosive shits.  You like to randomly tickle people in inappropriate social settings.  We will get married.  I will fall in love the minute I set my eyes on that Big Mouth Billy Bass.


Did your anthem say about you what you thought it did?  Leave your reactions in the comments below!

Neil Degrasse Tyson Needs to Knock It Off

Watch it.  Watch it again.

I know that many of those coming to this article are on a different page than me on this issue.  Many of you may have chuckled at a screen-cap of a NDT tweet once or twice.  I cannot say that I haven't enjoyed some of NDT's attempts at hipness and humor.  I liked "Cosmos", for what it's worth.  If you are a NDT fan, what you are about to read might upset you. But among readers of this article you are the most important of all-- the kind that need to be brought out of the darkness of ignorance and into the harsh, all-telling light.  Please bear with me, even if the video you just viewed above genuinely entertained you.

To get right to the meat of this issue:

Neil Degrasse Tyson, you need to stop it.  Knock it off.

You have been making clumsy attempts at mainstream appeal, tweeting snarky half-baked comments about pop culture's "ignorance" of science, and generally acting like a 50+ year old person who doesn't understand youth culture but spends an cringingly large amount of time trying to be hip.

All of which would be fine in my book, because I don't care.  These things do not affect me, because I do not have to pay attention.

But then you went and fucked with our Pitchfork Over/Unders, and you crossed a line.  Pitchfork Over/Unders are a fine, reputable, beloved institution of the pop-music-related clickbait-level youtube content scene, and you not only got on one despite not being a musician, but you turned in one of the shittiest episodes to date. 

As far as my extensive research is concerned, Eric Andre is the only other non-musician that has been on an Over/Under, and that isn't a problem because Eric Andre is funny and entertaining.  In fact, most Over/Unders are funny and entertaining, because being funny and entertaining in a Pitchfork Over/Under interview is easy as fuck.  You just stay in your lane and give stupid answers, and don't try too hard.  There's a staff of people at Pitchfork who are going to edit that shit up right and make you look as funny as they can.  There's not gonna give you hardball questions.  They're gonna ask you if you like peanut butter, and you say 'yeah peanut butter is the shit' or 'nah fam fuck peanut butter that shit kills people with peanut allergies' and that's it.  Hilarious!  If you really want to go for it, and are genuinely a funny person, you can go all out and maybe you'll turn in classic episode like Vince Staples or Neon Indian.  But Over/Unders are at baseline moderately entertaining because the formula is simple and fun, and doesn't demand much of the artist themselves.  Yet NDT managed to fuck it up.  Some shit just cannot be salvaged by clever editing.  A rundown of Neil Degrasse Tyson's Over/Under:

- When prompted by "Miss Universe", starts a cringy, hammy rant about how it should be "Miss Earth" instead of Miss Universe.  He drops a "I study the universe" and also a "c'mon now" because apparently he's Jerry Seinfeld now.

- Drones on about his tie collection.  Discusses how he is above wearing Star Trek ties.  

- Does a riff about how small earth is relative to the universe because we didn't know that already.

- Discusses how heavy cream floats on skim milk because it is "lighter", which is literally incorrect and something we all learned not to say if we paid attention in high school physics.  Heavy cream floats on skim milk because it's less dense you hack.

- Ends his incorrect explanation of buoyancy by slowly, ceremoniously opining "the physics.... will set you free", because apparently he's John 8:32 now.

- Discusses the work of GZA in a extremely vague, circumspect way.  His odd, conceptual rambling implies that he has listened to the Wu-Tang Clan before, but in no way confirms that he has listened to the Wu-Tang Clan before.

- Rants about how Mars bars are called Mars bars. "I'm takin' the planet", he says.  I'm taking the planet he says! Can you believe this guy???

- Continues to ham it up, fake-ranting about all the candy, gum, and other products that have stellar names because this is an urgent socio-political issue in his mind.

- Launches into extremely extended, poorly told story.  Too much context is provided, stalling the whole thing before it begins.  Makes sure to mention he was in "REALLY" good shape at the time.  The story is about how he needed more money in grad school so his friend invited him to be a male stripper and he said no.  It's a classically structured bad story, the kind that teases the listener with the prospect of something interesting happening, but then ends with the interesting thing not happening, and you realize there was never any possibility of the proposed interesting thing ever happening, and you feel cheated.

- Plugs his book.

- Says "we're stardust".  Whoa dude.  Claims that this is the most underrated fact in the universe, like a dumbass.

So that's it.  I hope my opinion-drenched commentary on this video has effectively conveyed my opinion on this guy.  The guy just tries too hard.  He is old, and he has a PhD, and that fundamentally means he's not going to be a very hip person, but he tries anyway.  Furthermore, his take on popular science can be such a shtick.  His snarky, pointless whining about how society appropriates astronomical terms is very representative of the kind of stuff that he posts on twitter.  I am a subscriber to a subreddit called r/iamverysmart, dedicated to posting screenshots of faux-intellectual internet posturing, and they had to ban posting his tweets because all anyone posted on there was his tweets.

I have no doubt that Neil Degrasse Tyson is extremely smart, and I like him as a guy who pops up in interviews in popular science documentaries.  But it needs to be said: his forays into establishing himself as an likable, charismatic entertainer really, really suck.  He is bad at being interesting and likable as a person when he is not talking about quasars.  

As I said at the start, all of this would have been a non-issue, and beyond the scope of a Sad Moth rant-piece if he hadn't went and fucked around with the lovely, inimitable Pitchfork Over/Under youtube series.  

But he did, and here were are.

Knock it off, Neil Degrasse Tyson.

Sad Moth Picks a New National Anthem

There's been a lot of discussion of the national anthem in the news lately.  While all of this discourse will continue to keep websites such as facebook.com and twitter.com in business, and any thing said on a measly little music blog such as Sad Moth Music will amount to little more than a whisper in a room full of yells, we here at Sad Moth think it is important to bring our perspective to the issue.

Our main thesis is this:  whatever you think about the national anthem and its symbology, the song FUCKING SUCKS.  But that's not really Thomas Jefferson (or whoever wrote the song)'s fault.  Most old music is boring and lame.  Anyone with a dad knows that.  The national anthem is no different.  It's corny, drawn out, boring, with few original ideas.  It does nothing that wasn't done better, by more influential artists.  It's a 3/10 track at best.

So, what are we getting at?  We need a new national anthem.  Something fresh, something hip, something catchy.  A good anthem is short, about a minute and a half, and it should be simple and recognizable.  Furthermore, as the anthem is so often performed at large sporting events and other large, outdoor events, the anthem should sound good being blasted out of old PA speakers.  It should not be rendered unrecognizable as it echoes of the walls of a massive football stadium, or wafts over the heads of thousands at 4th of July fireworks show.

After weeks of vetting and debate at the Sad Moth offices, we winnowed the candidates for the new national anthem down to six great, timeless songs.  We then produced video simulations for each of the six songs, which can be found below.  These video simulations aim to emulate the tone that each song will set.  The audio for each song has also been altered.  Reverb, echo, and low pass filters have been added to suggest what the songs will sound like in the settings the videos display.  Watch each video thoroughly, and at the end, we will throw up a poll to let the Sad Moth readership decide which song is most fit to be the new national anthem.

22 a million? More like 1,000,000 a trillion!

Editor's Note:  This review was written a while ago -- like, over a year ago.  The author has chosen not edit it for its publication today, as he finds it to be a bit of a time capsule, if you will, to a pre-2017 world.  The innocence that can be read between each line proved too wholesome to alter.  2016 was a simpler time. A better time.  And back in 2016, Justin Vernon dropped 22 a million on us.  Here is what our intrepid Sad Moth reporter wrote:

Sad Moth Super Song Break Down: Cruise (Remix) Florida Georgia Line feat. Nelly

Hero Blogger Puts on Festival, Saves Music

Crowds flock to see their hero, the internet blogger

who saved music with one last, big show.

No one saw Sad Moth 2 coming, but it's revelatory significance has already been trumpeted by a legion of music critics.  "History will note that there was music before Sad Moth 2, and there was music after Sad Moth 2," wrote Chuck Klosterman, "nothing will ever be the same."  Pitchfork Music noted, "much like other legendary festivals, such as Woodstock or Woodstock '99, Sad Moth 2 marked a cultural paradigm shift.  We are entering a new epoch; completely uncharted waters.  Sad Moth 2 not only changed music for ever, but it saved it too."

But how did this happen?  The answer lies within the genius of one man.  "You know me, I don't like to toot my own horn or anything," the humble internet blogger who organized Sad Moth 2 opines over martinis during an exclusive interview. "I'll accept the credit if credit is to be given.  But a lot of other great people helped, in minor ways.  Was it my idea? Yes.  Did I plan everything? Yes. Did I run everything? Yes.  But I'm too humble to rest on my laurels. I'm already thinking about next year."

After the immense success of Sad Moth 2, the internet blogger has found it difficult to go out in public without being inundated by autograph seekers, frenzied children, penitent hordes of cultish worshippers and buxom harlots propositioning him for sex.  "I try and not let it get to my head," he says while sipping from a jewel-encrusted chalice gifted to him by the King of Spain.  "I put on my pants one leg at a time just like everyone else, you know."

For those who've been living under a rock the past couple days, Sad Moth 2: Electric Boogaloo was a music festival held on the grounds of scenic Festge Park in Cross Plains, Wisconsin.  The event is in its second year, though last year's fest was not nearly as successful.  "I think it's because I gave too much responsibility to other people," offers the internet blogger, "Sad Moth Music Fest is best when it is more the product of a singular creative voice.  Like y'know... mine."

I ask him to elucidate what he means by "singular creative voice."  He smiles, leans back in his chair and flips down his super awesome sunglasses with the hinged lenses.  "Well, you see, as someone who appreciates the classics, and understands that most music today is shallow, boring trash, sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong generation.  I wanted to put something on, one big fest that would save today's music from itself.  It took a lot of hard work.  I really had to do like, a couple hours of work, send a bunch of texts and stuff.  But I think all my hard work really paid off.  People really responded to my fest in a positive way.  I mean, I've always had an outstanding taste in music, but come on!  Sometimes I feel like I've been getting too much praise, if that's even possible!"

The internet blogger has had a grueling schedule in the last few days, jetting across the globe to receive congratulatory gifts from world leaders.  "It's been tough, seeing the world, flying first class,  hearing all these world dignitaries tell me how great I am," he says, flashing his million-dollar smile. "Welp, catch ya on the flipside."  He rises and hits me with the double finger guns.  What a great guy.

Sad Moth On Location: The Stooges Fun House

Quiz: Can You Figure Out Which One is Real Estate? (The Band?)

Can You Figure Out Which One is Real Estate? (The Band?) - ProProfs

Kendrick drops a CLASSIC first REACTION!

OH. MY. GOD. First REACTIONS to Kendrick's new CLASSIC ALBUM "damn."
Kendrick drops a CLASSIC first REACTION from Zaxo Klein on Vimeo.

Sad Moth Podcast Episode 2: We Back Boiiiii: Hopefully This Works Special Edition

Last post didn't seem to work on podcasting platforms, I think because the file was in wav, not mp3.  Hopefully this works!

Sad Moth vs. The Corporate Monolith: The Pitchfork Hatepost

As all of you loyal Sad Moth readers are aware, we here at Sad Moth have recently rolled out a new video-essay series known as "Sad Moth Musical Knowledge".  It is a work in progress, I know, but I think it's really taking off.  I mean just look at these pageviews for the last week!

I was being sarcastic just now.  No one reads this blog.  Even people who write for this blog don't read this blog.  So that makes what I'm about to tell you even more fucking stupid.


Pitchfork slapped us with a fucking copyright claim.

Now I know what you're gonna say. "But Sad Moth... you're videos are literally just you rambling over Pitchfork video essays with the sound taken out."

Listen.  This isn't about who's "legally justified" in this situation.  This isn't about "copyright law".  This is about me being mad.  This is about a corporate behemoth trying to crush a threatening upstart under their thumb.  This is about scrappy, independent Sad Moth Music going rogue when the chips are down.

First of all, you may notice Pitchfork is mentioned nowhere in the above screenshot.  That is because Pitchfork is owned by a faceless, odious media conglomerate known as "Condé Nast".  A quick look at their website shows that this company also owns Vogue, GQ, The New Yorker, Wired, Vanity Fair, and many other media institutions.  Let's hate-watch one of their youtube videos, shall we?

So essentially what we're getting here is a bunch of obnoxious, thick-framed glasses wearing yuppie fucks who think their art degrees from NYU give them license to spout vague axioms about creativity while some garbage EDM plays in the background.  I hope every one of these people die in a painful Adobe Lightroom editing accident.

To get back on topic, these are the people who think they can tell me what's satire?  These are the people that think they can tell me my video doesn't fall under the protection of fair use?  In an effort to make myself even more angry, I choose to believe that these two people specifically are the ones who ordered for Sad Moth Musical Knowledge Ep. 1 to be taken down:

God, just look at those smug, shit eating grins.  The one on the right looks like he just tried out an ironic mustache but gave it up because someone make a passive-agressive comment about it.  The one on the left obviously listens to too much Ingrid Michaelson for her own good.  Neither are self-aware in any meaningful way.  Fuck these people.  When Sad Moth usurps the corporate overlords of the music journalism industry, we will make sure to hire both these people, wait until they sign expensive leases on apartments in their favorite gentrified city, then fire them both out of pure spite. 

Ultimately, this grim episode in Sad Moth history only goes to further confirm one of our core beliefs: Pitchfork Media is so 2000-and-late.  I think it can be conclusively said that this video takedown was many things: a bitch move, a mondo buzzkill, super weak, and overall just totally lamesauce.  You're just not making those kind of allegations about circa-2004 Pitchfork.  But this is 2016. Pitchfork is owned by a massive media conglomerate.  You messed with the wrong hombres, Pitchfork.  You're pathetic.  Your time has passed.

You're pretty much Rolling Stone at this point.

Sad Moth Musical Knowledge Ep 2: The Smiffs

Sad Moth Musical Knowledge Ep 2: The Smiffs from Noah Stafford on Vimeo.

Sad Moth Podcast Ep. 2: The Digimon: The Movie vs. Shrek Supa Dupa Showdown

Sad Moth Manny, Noah, and special guest Nathan are all up in it with a track for track evaluation of two of the most influential albums of all time -- the Digimon: The Movie and Shrek soundtracks.  But which one is better????  We weren't sure either, but we each ranked all of the tracks from first to last, and figured it out!  Who won?  I dunno, you gotta LISTEN to it nerds!

vs.

Here's the link to the poll we used throughout the episode. We highly encourage you to take it as well!

http://www.polljunkie.com/poll/zrwmqc/shrek-vs-digimon-the-movie-the-ultimate-smash-n-bash