On tinder, you have an option of list an "anthem" on your profile. One song that you hope will attract exactly the type of person you're looking for. The choice can say a lot about you. What most women don't realize is just how much their choice of song can say about them. Below is a list of common choices for tinder anthems, and short outlines of the kind of signals that these song choices are sending to me, the guy. At the end of each, I'll tell you how I expect our relationship to go.Are you sending out the right signals? Read on to find out!
Me, Myself & I -- G-Easy
You're bubbly and fun and looking for a guy to go on adventures with. You have a dangerous Chipotle obsession and work part time while you're in college as a barista. You are a little crazy ~~ hahaha ;) ~~ especially when someone gets you talking about the need for sustainable fishing methods off the Florida coast in order to keep the stone crab population stable. Two years ago you ate ten Warheads extreme sour candies at once, and ever since you've had an eye twitch. We'll match, I'll message first and we'll have an idle 3 message conversation and never talk again.
Somebody Else -- The 1975
You're not looking for anything serious and have changed your hair color so many times you've forgotten if you're a blond or a brunette... lol. You're a devoted fan of Scandal and are 420 friendly. Your older sister just went into the Peace Corps before she goes to med school and that just about sums up how you've lived your entire life in her shadow. You have a 4.0 in college and it still isn't good enough. It'll never be good enough, will it mom? Your mom is right though. You do have mannishly-wide shoulders and you better be funny with that face. We won't match.
Holy Grail -- Jay-Z
You're mysterious. After all, if you're gonna pick a Jay-Z song, why the hell would it be one off of Magna Carta/Holy Grail? No one knows. What we do know is that you can't get enough of cheesy pick up lines, or travel. We'll match, go on three dates and things will go well, at which point you'll try and convert me to the Church of the Latter Day Saints and propose marriage. Really needing to get my nut, I'll consider it in a recklessly serious way, but ultimately turn you down because I've taken you to Denny's three times now and every time you get the all you can eat pancakes which is just way too intense for me.
rockstar -- Post Malone
You like Post Malone so you're probably trash. Every single picture on your profile is you with a snapchat filter. You like Life cereal and maple-flavored oatmeal, both of which are huge red flags. You have orange juice, grapefruit juice, and apple juice in your fridge, and no one knows why you need that much juice but they're all certain it can't be a good sign. You take three mints after you eat at Chili's because you think if you take more than one it's considered stealing and it gives you a rush. I'll swipe left.
Low Life -- Future
You're a sassy girl not looking for anything serious. You're just trying to drop it low and party, and what's wrong with that? Your profile has three pics and all of them are group selfies, forcing anyone who wants to figure out which one you are to flip between them and use process of elimination. You say that you're a sagittarius. You don't believe in astrology you just thought it's sexy to say you're a sagittarius. You have a bad habit of scarfing down sour cream and onion chips right before you have sex, and keep telling yourself you need to stop because you smell like sour cream and onion chips for the rest of the night, but you keep doing it anyway because you fucking love sour cream and onion chips and don't have the self-control to stop. Your dad listens to "Rumors" by Fleetwood Mac every day while getting ready for work and, while you acknowledge that it's a classic, at this point you've listened to it so many times you kinda just out-and-out hate it. We'll match, I'll message you but you won't respond.
After the Afterparty -- Charli XCX
I dunno. This one it's hard to tell. We'll go on one date to the movies and you'll leave halfway through. You say your roommate just texted you saying your apartment burned down and your cat died in the fire. I'm suspicious you're making up an excuse so you can ditch me.
Gucci Gang -- Lil Pump
You're bio is just emojis. You have one picture and it's of your tits. hehehe. You're a straight up ho. You smell like ramen all the time for some reason. You left your last boyfriend after you sucked him off so well his asshole prolapsed and you realized he didn't deserve you. You've seen every episode of Baywatch ten times and can quote every episode from memory. You wear a velour sweatshirt and sweatpants every day, all year long. In the winter that becomes a problem because you can put old people into cardiac arrest with your static shocks. We won't match, but I'll see you on the local news one day after you get arrested with a pound of weed stuffed inside a jumbo bag of Werther's Originials in the trunk of your car.
Snapback -- Old Dominion
A country girl! You're looking for a man who drives a truck, hunts on Friday, drinks on Saturday, and gets up for church on Sunday. You own cowboy boots and an Eric Church 2011 North American tour t-shirt. One time you went to the lake with your girlfriends, came back in the afternoon and went to Pizza Ranch for dinner. You were really dehydrated but you straight up inhaled like 12 slices of that apple-strudel dessert pizza. On the drive home that shit started settling into the bottom of your stomach like a rock, and you had to pull over and run into a Wal Mart, but you didn't make it to the bathroom in time, and ended up puking your guts out into a handbag in the women's section. You looked around and no one seemed to have noticed, so you just bought some milk and eggs and went home. We won't match.
Closer -- The Chainsmokers
You're a foodie, and a bit of a rich girl. Your profile pics are all in different exotic locations. You're an anthropology major and aren't looking for hookups. Guys seem to really like you until you show them your Big Mouth Billy Bass novelty singing fish. You understand you could be catching way more dick if you didn't carry around a plastic singing fish that sings "Don't Worry, Be Happy" when you press a button, but you know if a guy stays around after you show him your Big Mouth Billy Bass, he's a keeper. One time you wanted to dump a boyfriend, but you were too scared to end it, so you fed him some Haribo sugar-free gummy bears and left quietly while he was locked in the bathroom taking loud, explosive shits. You like to randomly tickle people in inappropriate social settings. We will get married. I will fall in love the minute I set my eyes on that Big Mouth Billy Bass.
Did your anthem say about you what you thought it did? Leave your reactions in the comments below!
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