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| Pc: Anmol Gupta |
What follows is a poorly moderated, meandering conversation about many things, including the Melvins' new album, an awkward tv appearance in 1995, good seats at a White Sox/Twins game, Alex Rodriguez, a theoretical fight between Robert Plant and Ozzy Osbourne, and novel masturbation techniques. I added a good amount of links for those not familiar with various topics of conversation. I conducted the interview, but Patrick gave me some of the best questions to ask. Anmol Gupta was there also for some fucking reason and took the picture above. No that's not me. I'm a little off to the right. An mp3 of this conversation exists, but I'm not showing anyone unless they really don't believe this happened and ask for proof or stfu. It reads much better, as you don't get all of my long pauses, "ums" and annoying, waifish voice.
Buzz: (sitting down in the shitty press tent)… you guys are hard at it over here.
Sad Moth: Yeah.
Buzz: They got you in the middle of nowhere. It’s remote.
Sad Moth: Yeah, pretty lush accommodations.
Buzz: Yeah yeah, they went all out for the media.
Sad Moth: We got a couple crates of water.
Buzz: Plenty of bathrooms
Sad Moth: Oh yeah, oh yeah. Well, let’s get this started. You guys just came out with a new album.
Buzz: Yes we did. In the beginning of June.
Sad Moth: There’s six bassists on it.
Buzz: Six different bassists, yeah.
Sad Moth: Does that include Dale?
Buzz: Yes
Sad Moth: Does he play Take Me Out To The Ballgame? Is that what he’s on?
Buzz: No he plays on two different songs, as well as on those. So he actually does play bass.
Sad Moth: During your songwriting process, do you take into account who’s going to be on bass, beyond the upright stuff, does that really come into the equation?
Buzz: On some … on the other stuff yeah. This particular record. There was stuff I had recorded, without really thinking who was gonna be playing on it… already. Not all the songs but a few of them. And for some of them I had ideas for things. And then we decided… and it wasn’t until we got well into the project that we realized there was going to be that many players on it. So I wasn’t even thinking in those terms at all…weirdly.
Sad Moth: Do you find it difficult to tour with all those bassists?
Buzz: No, we only have one one, we only have one bass player on tour..
Sad Moth: Do you throw em all in a U-Haul in the back?
Buzz: No we just kill em all. We just have Steve with us.
Sad Moth: I saw you guys open with Melt-Banana in Chicago.
Buzz: Oh yeah, with Napalm Death, that was fun. Yeah yeah, the Metro.
Sad Moth: It was a real Napalm Death crowd..
Buzz: Yeah.
Sad Moth: Yeah it was a great show.
Buzz: Yeah, we did a whole tour with them, them and Melt-Banana. It was a great tour. We’re probably going to do the same thing in Europe, some time next year. It was great, we did 38 shows with them.
Sad Moth: It was great to come to a show, and for it to be like a triple bill.
Buzz: We were really happy with the way it came, we knew those bands before. We’re friends with them. There were no problems. We knew it would work. There’s a lot of other bands that didn’t have that idea. There’s a lot of people that would talk, “why did you do this tour?” I just knew if would be good. It was a lot of fun. I’d love to do it again. We’re going to do it again.
Sad Moth: I was going to ask you… I prepared a lot for this interview by going on youtube.
Buzz: Uh oh.
Buzz: Uh uh, I honestly don’t look at a lot of stuff on myself on youtube.
Sad Moth: It was your national TV debut.
Buzz: Could be true.
Sad Moth: Well that’s what they say.
Buzz: Could be a lie. I think we were on tv before that.
Sad Moth: So you guys are in this room…
Buzz: Can’t see it.
Turns brightness up on computer
Buzz: No, no that wasn’t the first time. We were on Atlantic, we were on tour and it was in New York. That was fun, yeah.
Sad Moth: I just… I like the shots of people bobbing their heads that were obviously like cut in.
Buzz: Yeah, typical. We were on the same show as one of the guys from Duran Duran.
Sad Moth: It’s just so strange, I think it’s…
Buzz: I’m wearing a godheadSilo shirt. We did a bunch of stuff… I think we were on tour with godheadSilo at that point.
Sad Moth: video is still playing. The fun facts that pop up. It’s such a strange punk thing…
Buzz: Yeah, that type of thing, you take what you can get. I’m not opposed to doing stupid stuff like this. still watching video Some coked up moron.
Sad Moth: I just think… when real people penetrate the alternate reality of a television show like that, its a strange… you know what I’m talking about?
Buzz: Yeah it’s on of those things… we uh… you just do it anyway. laughs
Sad Moth: You guys played at Grumpy’s.
Buzz: Yeah last night.
Sad Moth: It was the Prick re-release.
Buzz: Prick re-release, yeah.
Sad Moth: Um, how did that go?
Buzz: Great! We always love playing there. I’m really good friends with Tom. I’ve spent a long standing working relationship with him. Lots of different, strange releases, none of which ever go to stores.
Sad Moth: How did you like the AmRep Documentary?
Buzz: I thought it was good. Seemed good.
Sad Moth: Kevin Rutmanis was your bassist.
Buzz: Yes, we played with Kevin for quite a while, seven years.
Sad Moth: Right, and he was in the Cows beforehand.
Buzz: He was in the Cows, yep, we were really big fans.
Sad Moth: The Cows were fantastic. What was your relationship with the Cows before Kevin joined your band. Did you tour with them?
Buzz: We were big fans, we did a lot of shows with them. I helped the record a record, the last record they ever did. I was sold on those guys, and during the recording of that record I really got to like Kevin a lot personally, and I thought he would be a good addition to the band. And that was kind of where that was at. And then things went south from there. Not right away. He had a lot of problems with extra-curricular activities.
Sad Moth: I really love his slide bass.
Buzz: Oh yeah yeah yeah, we were really big fans of what he did, yeah yeah we loved it. I still do. We’re friends again.
Sad Moth: I guess the next one… it’s another video I found. This one is ten seconds long. I don’t know if you’ve seen this, but you’d be interested to see this. Because you were on a Twins broadcast.
Buzz: Oh yeah, that was when I was on tour with Fantomas and the promoter got us these amazing tickets for free. We didn’t know where we were going to be sitting. We got there and they were these unbelievable seats.
Sad Moth: You’re next to Kent Hrbek.
Buzz: Yeah I know.
Sad Moth: Did you talk to Kent Hrbek?
Buzz: No! No… he wanted nothing to do with me. And this is my buddy from New Zealand who was with us on the tour. And uh… y’know we didn’t know where we were going to be sitting. We got there and they were just crazy seats right behind the dugout.
Sad Moth: Behind home plate…
Buzz: Right behind the dugout. We were right behind the visiting dugout, and it was a White Sox home game against the Twins.
Sad Moth: Oh what is at…
Buzz: It was in Chicago.
Sad Moth: It was in Chicago? Thought it was at the Metrodome.
Buzz: No. And so, y’know it was a really brutal rivalry, and that was the year the White Sox on the World Series.
Sad Moth: Oh it was ’05, ok.
Buzz: There was no love lost between those two teams, and it was really great, really fun. And it was one of those things, we hand a night off, and sometimes promoters have a line on stuff like that, and they’ll know vendors, and we saw that the White Sox were going to be in town, and we asked if him if he knew anybody that could get us White Sox tickets, and he said “oh yeah yeah yeah, no problem.” It’s one of those situations where if you don’t ask you don’t get, y’know? We asked how much do they cost, and he just says, “well I can just get em for you.” Ok, so we had four tickets, and four of us were gonna go, and me and my buddy Troy who happened to be traveling with us, we were the only two who wanted to go. I don’t think Trevor went, Mike didn’t go, nobody else wanted to….“oh yeah, they’ll probably we crap.” And we get there and (the seats are) unbelievable. Unbelievable seats. God it was so great. One of those things that you so luckily fall into.
Sad Moth: How do you keep up with the season while on the road?
Buzz: On the computer, look at it on the computer.
Sad Moth: Do you have MLB.tv?
Buzz: We do, Dale has it on it on the computer, we keep track of the stats, we’re big baseball fans, it’s the only one I follow.
Sad Moth: It’s the only one worth following.
Buzz: I’m not a big clock sports guy. I don’t like the clock as a strategy, personally. I like sports where you have to win. Baseball, golf, tennis, stuff like that where you have to actually win. Baseballs like that were you always have a chance, no matter how far you are behind you always have a chance to win the game. You didn’t lose because you downed it and then the clock ran out. You won it.
Sad Moth: Yeah, that’s like an Earl Weaver quote — “you have to give the other team a chance to win” (gross misquotation of Earl Weaver)
Buzz: Yeah, it’s great. That’s what I love about baseball. There’s no ties. And it’s a chess match, baseball is, to me. You don’t have a good manager you’re not going to win a baseball game. That’s why they wear the same uniform as the players. They’re more important that anyone else on the field. (sic) They’re suiting up same as anybody else. And it’s a team sport. Without that you’ve got nothing. Without that direction, you don’t have it. You’re team is not gonna win. You’re not gonna make it, it’s not gonna work, and I love that whole.. it’s all strategy… the whole entire thing is all strategy… how to pitch to each guy, that’s why I love National League baseball, baseball
Sad Moth: So yeah, you’re a big NL guy, sure.
Buzz: I would get rid of the DH today. I think it’s really unfair to American League pitchers, and it takes away a big part of the strategy, and it’s only boring to people who don’t understand baseball. It stupid. It’s stupid! Like you’re fucking pitching, you should be batting. They’ve been batting their whole lives. Get your ass out there.
Sad Moth: And there’s pitchers these days, like Bumgarner?
Buzz: He’s a good hitter.
Sad Moth: He’s a great hitter.
Buzz: Even Kershaw was a good hitter, he’s on the DL now, but…Maddux was a good hitter.
Sad Moth: Are you a Dodgers fan?
Buzz: Sure, I live in LA, of course, y’know? Dodgers were one of the original teams, you have to be a Dodgers fan, everybody is.
Sad Moth: Are you more a fan of the league? or..
Buzz: No I like the Dodgers. I like.. I certainly like the original teams best. But I would go to any games. Even American League games I still go to. I had no problem going to that White Sox game. I would go to any sporting event, if you have free tickets, even ones that I don’t care about I’m going. They’re fun to go to. Even games that I don’t really understand like hockey, if you’ve got free tickets I’m going. Why wouldn’t you go? Football basketball, you got tickets I’m there. Sounds like fun to me. Why not? Seems like a good time. If I don’t really care about it I can still got to it and enjoy it. I’d never been to a drag race, but it was fun to go to one drag race, I don’t need to go again, but it was really fun.
Sad Moth: Do Melvins connections usually help you out?
Buzz: No not really, I’m not really good with that kind of networking, I’d rather just buy my own way. But there’s a few times that once in a while… I’ve had things like my booking agent William Morris, once a year, will go “do you want to go to this game with me?” I’m not good with going, “hey give me tickets to see the Lakers.” Y’know, but once in a blue moon that will happen, and I’ll go to some game that nobody cares about. So we’ve went to Clippers games a couple times where we sit courtside, thousand dollars seats, for free, once every couple years. Why not? I’d never pay for those seats, but to go with somebody like that. Fuck, I don’t even care about basketball. Sit there, it’s really fun.
Sad Moth: Courtside seats are probably fantastic.
Buzz: Nothing like it man. It’s amazing. Sit there right under the basket. I’m there man, you get those seats I’m going. But I’m not going to pursue it. Pleeease pleeeease. Kissing somebody’s ass. That’s not me. That’s not me.
Sad Moth: A-Rod retired yesterday. Did you see that?
Buzz: Didn’t even get to play. I don’t think he played.
Sad Moth: Didn’t he?
Buzz: I don’t think he batted… he might have batted but he wanted to play third base and they told him no.
Sad Moth: Yeah, they tried to make it like a PR, like kinda just get him out the door, and then they didn’t play him and made it a disaster anyway.
Buzz: Who knows what’s going on there. They’re paying him a lot of money not to play so… It’s not even like they’re in a pennant rase. Season’s not over yet. We’ll see. I mean I don’t… a lot of people hate him, I don’t hate him he’s a good hitter. Maybe he’ll play for somebody else.
Sad Moth: If A-Rod was a band, what band would it be?
Buzz: Well the thing about it is though, you’re talking about a band that hit a fucking shitload of home runs.
Sad Moth: Right
Buzz: I don’t know who it would be. Like… the Stones.
Sad Moth: The Stones?
Buzz: Yeah, we don’t necessarily like everything they’ve done, but they’ve done a lot. That’s good. They have a weird drug history, but they’re still, you can’t deny it…
Sad Moth: That’s good, I didn’t think of that.
Buzz: The people that hate him, if he was on their their team they would love him.
Sad Moth: He is kind of a Mick Jagger figure in a way.
Buzz: Massively rich, he, I mean he delivered the goods for a long time. So what can you say? He’s a shortstop, shortstops are good at any position.
Sad Moth: Do you think he got the short end of the stick because of the Jeter thing, moving to third?
Buzz: What was he supposed to do? He tried to play for Boston, they wouldn’t let him do it. So what was he supposed to do? He woulda been playing in Boston, and he would have had Nomar Garciaparra’s space. When Nomar got traded to the Cubs, that’s where he was gonna be. Nomar didn’t get… actually that was about the same time…
about a minute of confusion follows over when Nomar got traded to the Cubs and A-Rod signed as a free agent with the Yankees. For the record, A-Rod signed at the start of the season 2004, and Nomar was traded mid-way through the same season.
Buzz: I mean I don’t keep much track of those kinds of things, but if he would have been in LA with that name, they would’ve sold, fucking ten million dollars worth of jerseys. Y’know? That’s a huge latino population there that loves baseball. That’s the right name there. That’s a big deal there. Like when Manny Ramirez went there… huge deal. Good for them. Baseball’s a business. And if the players are the ones that are making that many people want to go to the games then they should get the money.
Sad Moth: The next CBA’s going to be brutal, I think, because the players are getting a much smaller piece of the pie than they used to.
Buzz: We’ll see about that. It’s all contracts. We’ll see. They can sign whatever contract they want. I mean the minimum contract they can sign for is $500,000.
Sad Moth: Not too shabby.
Buzz: They’re playing baseball. That’s it. They’re the reason the people are there. Why shouldn’t they get the money?
Sad Moth: Absolutely. I’d never guilt a player for taking the money.
Buzz: I’d never guilt anyone for money, I’d guilt them for being horrendous bastards, but not for being rich. laughs. There’s plenty of horrendous bastards who are poor, y’know?
Sad Moth: Money doesn’t change ‘em, I guess.
Buzz: Maybe, who knows? Plenty of poor people commit crimes too.
Sad Moth: I guess I’m out of my questions. My friend Patrick is a big fan, and needed to get a couple in. And then he sent me these questions, which are all really stupid.
Buzz: Okaaaay.
Sad Moth: What kind of shampoo do you use?
Buzz: Whatever’s available.
Sad Moth: There’s no, like, signature…
Buzz: No.
Sad Moth: Oh… You guys were voice actors, in a cartoon recently, Uncle Grandpa.
Buzz: Well we did our own voices. laughs We acted like ourselves.
Sad Moth: Are you gonna parlay that into a career in the field?
Buzz: No one’s asking.
Sad Moth: I thought you guys did a good job.
Buzz: Yeah, it was fun. It was a lot of fun. It was great. I would do it again. Sure.
Sad Moth: Who would win in a street fight, Ozzy Osboure, Robert Plant, and you have to answer this for current day and in their prime.
Buzz: Robert Plant both.
Sad Moth: Robert Plant both?
Buzz: Oh yeah, Robert Plant would kick Ozzy’s ass right now for sure. Ozzy doesn’t even know his birthday.
Sad Moth: What about the drug-addled crazy Ozzy?
Buzz: Right now, Robert Plant would kill him, sure, Ozzy couldn’t walk across the street right now. We toured with him on Ozzfest, that was way over, that was almost twenty years ago. He could barely move around then. And in their prime, Robert Plant would’ve pummeled him. Sure, absolutely.
Sad Moth: I’m just sayin’ like a coked up Ozzy.
Buzz: Nope, nope.
Sad Moth: There’s no wild-card factor there where he could really just reach inside…
Buzz: Nope, I don’t think so. I think Ozzy’s wife would kick his ass.
Sad Moth: You think she could?
Buzz: Certainly now, and his kids could too. He’s a battered old man that has destroyed himself with drugs. His neurological system is destroyed with drugs. It’s clearly obvious. It’s a tragedy, it’s horrible. It’s too bad. Nothing good about it. He did a lot of good work. We can enjoy that. But the rest of it is not good. It’s sad, really. Nothing to wish on anyone.
Sad Moth: Did he write the songs?
Buzz: He played his part in all of it, yeah. But who knows?
Sad Moth: I guess my last question is about the Cloak of Visibility.
Buzz: The mumu?
Sad Moth: Is that what it’s called?
Buzz: That’s what it is.
Sad Moth: Do you wear that, like, on hot days?
Buzz: I wear it all the time on stage.
Sad Moth: Is it coming off right afterwards?
Buzz: I put it on before and take it off afterwards.
Sad Moth: It must be sweltering to play in that.
Buzz: Well, y’know, I would sweat no matter what. I sweat just sitting here. I sweat anyway. I don’t mind looking weird.
Sad Moth: I’m not saying it doesn’t look bad, I’m just saying it’s slightly impractical. It’s impractical.
Buzz: Compared to what?
Sad Moth: A cloak with no sleeves. Take off the sleeves.
Buzz: You know if you’re going to do something, you might as well go all the way with it. It’s like jackin off with a pair of rubber gloves on. Now if they were sandpaper, that might be alright. laughs ghoulishly.
Sad Moth: Do you lubricate the gloves?
Buzz: No no, dry sandpaper.
Sad Moth: Oh! oh….
Buzz: Now you’re talking.
Sad Moth: What grit?
Buzz: 60, yeah yeah. Knife blades. Like I said if you’re gonna do something you might as well do it right.
Sad Moth: Belt sander?
Buzz: I’m listening… I’m with ya… I haven’t said no yet…
Sad Moth: Well you start with the vice, and then the belt sander, to keep it in place.
Buzz: Sure, yeah, why not?
Sad Moth: Thanks for your time.
Buzz: Alright man, thank you.
Sad Moth: Yeah, thanks a lot.
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