This journey begins four years ago. That day, I borrowed a copy of Aaron's Party (Come Get It) from my neighbor and ripped it onto my iPod. Since then, I have amassed and curated what I believe to be a comprehensive knowledge of Aaron Carter history and lore. When it came time to do my first profile of an artist, I could think of no one better than AC himself. If you do not know Aaron Carter, then all the better for you. I believe I have assembled a fine introduction to a life that tends to read like a Greek tragedy: aspiration, fame, glory, but ultimately corruption, gluttony, failure, and with it, humility. I must warn readers that this might get really long,
especially with the videos, which are kind of the point and I highly recommend you watch as they appear
in the article. Read on if you plan on
sticking with me on my journey to the bitter end. If you don’t, you're a pussy, and don't you forget it. Pussy.Let us begin with he himself, Aaron Carter. If you are unfamiliar with the early 00's tween pop idol, watch the video below, and consider yourself familiarized. If you find the music repetitive, or his voice annoying, or his lyrics lame and a clearly targeted at gullible young girls, then you don't get it. Either you're down with AC, or you're not. But if you don't like Aaron Carter, you're wrong. AC is god. He is life itself. Jesus beat the devil by refusing his temptations, but Aaron Carter beat Shaq.
Speaking of on top, how many thirteen year olds can say that they were banging Hilary Duff? Yes, Aaron dated the Lizzy McGwire star for a while, which would have been incredible if only due to the rarity of tweenage celebrity relationships. What is far more important is what this relationship produced. The Aaron Carter Lizzy McGwire episode. As someone who has watched the whole episode with my cousins over Christmas, I can definitively say that this episode is a pinnacle of American television. Aaron only shows up for one scene at the end, and then in the last few minutes performs a song. But what a scene!
After breaking into a studio lot where Carter is filming a music video in an attempt to meet AC, and being chased around by an obese studio guard for fifteen minutes, Lizzy and her friends end up in Aaron's trailer. They get chased out by Aaron's bitchy manager, but OH NO! Lizzy has forgot her tape recorder in Aaron's trailer. She goes back to get it, and well...
Impeccable. The sexual tension. The raw drama. The obvious body doubles and editing. The oddly timed black extra walking through frame in the background. You can watch the entire episode here if you really want to. Aaron's performance really carries the episode though. Nothing against Hilary Duff, but she was a talentless bitch. AC always deserved better.
Well, Aaron inevitably grew, and at the age of 15 had already released there albums, and was close to releasing his first "Best Of" compilation album. He also gave the world one of the best MTV Cribs episodes of all time. Behold.
So many things. First off, just... him. The quasi-black speech patterns that conflict hard with Carter being a rich, mid-pubescent white Floridian. The 2-Pac t-shirt. The bandana under the backwards Georgia Bulldogs flexfit. And then there's what he focuses on as he gives his tour. Aaron lives in a huge fucking mansion, and the first things he shows the camera? Family photos, the four vinyl records he owns and what's inside his fridge, which he admits he never uses, but he opens it up and starts listing the entire contents anyway, in the swaggest way possible: "We got some milk up in heya, got some ice tea, some A-1 Sauce, y'know, we like to get the protein." Then we get to see the microwave, then the sink. Finally we get to Aaron's part of the house. It all is pretty normal until he picks up a huge-ass sword off a pile of stuffed animals. "I collect swords, and when I say collect, I mean I hang them up on the wall and they stay there," Aaron says as he lays the sword back down on what is clearly not the wall.
The best part is listening to Aaron talk and imagining how he perceives what his life his like, and then seeing what it actually is. He calls his bedroom "The love shack", and then leads us to a bed covered in mounds of cuddly stuffed animals. He drives around like a G in a mini-Hummer with a cute dog poking its head out the top to the hood. His bandanna and 2-pac shirt suggest Aaron thinks of himself as, if not straight-thug, then at least thug-adjacent. He talks and swaggers with the earnestness of a gangsta straight off the streets. Everything about him tries desperately to be cool, yet he and his surroundings cannot help but completely adorable.
We get a sneak peek into Aaron's recording studio "where the magic happens", and a snippet of a shitty drum solo. Then onto the cars, none of which he can drive, but he knows how big the rims are on each. Some half-assed b-roll of the house and the episode is o. He drives into the distance in fast-forward. You look at the clock. 6 1/2 minutes of your life has gone by, and you feel like not a second has passed. Greatness.
Now to get into the motherload of obscure Aaron Carter vids, we move on over to House Of Carters a completely real reality show of which eight whole episodes were produced in 2006. The series follows the narrative of the Carter family re-uniting after being apart for years due to their own careers. The whole thing is faker than Bruce Jenner's face, but it's so worth it. There's just so many moments. Like, Aaron Carter has been an international pop star for years, so, you think he could dance, at least a little? Nah. (Consult gif at right) Just in the first episode, AC jumps like three stories into a shallow pool, his nameless, faceless sisters get day drunk and one lights her cigarette on the gas-burning stove, and Aaron wears some of the douchiest hats you will ever see. Possibly the best thing about House Of Carters is how lightly it portrays very, very messed up people. Aside from the egregious alcoholism and lack of any semblance of fiscal responsibility, Aaron himself is shown requesting Xanax, a drug he would later go to rehab for, and the show completely ignores it, instead choosing to keep playing the scene as two brothers having a heart-to-heart after a petty argument.
The whole thing is twisted in a really delicious way. I recommend watching the first episode below. Or not. It's 43 minutes long. For the really brave, all eight episodes are on youtube. And if that isn't enough for you, check out the meticulously maintained and updated fan-site here. It gives you everything you would need to know about the show, but it's a little too Nick-centric for my taste. Aaron was always the better brother.
And then shit gets weird. Aaron files for bankruptcy, goes to rehab multiple times, joins an off-Broadway musical. I think this stage in his life can be perfectly summed up in this cringe-tastic video where a disheveled, attention hungry AC gives out his real cell phone number during an interview. (It doesn't work anymore, I tried)
Well, Aaron inevitably grew, and at the age of 15 had already released there albums, and was close to releasing his first "Best Of" compilation album. He also gave the world one of the best MTV Cribs episodes of all time. Behold.
The best part is listening to Aaron talk and imagining how he perceives what his life his like, and then seeing what it actually is. He calls his bedroom "The love shack", and then leads us to a bed covered in mounds of cuddly stuffed animals. He drives around like a G in a mini-Hummer with a cute dog poking its head out the top to the hood. His bandanna and 2-pac shirt suggest Aaron thinks of himself as, if not straight-thug, then at least thug-adjacent. He talks and swaggers with the earnestness of a gangsta straight off the streets. Everything about him tries desperately to be cool, yet he and his surroundings cannot help but completely adorable.
We get a sneak peek into Aaron's recording studio "where the magic happens", and a snippet of a shitty drum solo. Then onto the cars, none of which he can drive, but he knows how big the rims are on each. Some half-assed b-roll of the house and the episode is o. He drives into the distance in fast-forward. You look at the clock. 6 1/2 minutes of your life has gone by, and you feel like not a second has passed. Greatness.
Now to get into the motherload of obscure Aaron Carter vids, we move on over to House Of Carters a completely real reality show of which eight whole episodes were produced in 2006. The series follows the narrative of the Carter family re-uniting after being apart for years due to their own careers. The whole thing is faker than Bruce Jenner's face, but it's so worth it. There's just so many moments. Like, Aaron Carter has been an international pop star for years, so, you think he could dance, at least a little? Nah. (Consult gif at right) Just in the first episode, AC jumps like three stories into a shallow pool, his nameless, faceless sisters get day drunk and one lights her cigarette on the gas-burning stove, and Aaron wears some of the douchiest hats you will ever see. Possibly the best thing about House Of Carters is how lightly it portrays very, very messed up people. Aside from the egregious alcoholism and lack of any semblance of fiscal responsibility, Aaron himself is shown requesting Xanax, a drug he would later go to rehab for, and the show completely ignores it, instead choosing to keep playing the scene as two brothers having a heart-to-heart after a petty argument. The whole thing is twisted in a really delicious way. I recommend watching the first episode below. Or not. It's 43 minutes long. For the really brave, all eight episodes are on youtube. And if that isn't enough for you, check out the meticulously maintained and updated fan-site here. It gives you everything you would need to know about the show, but it's a little too Nick-centric for my taste. Aaron was always the better brother.
Sadly, and oh so inevitably, AC's life began trending downward. In what is only ever a last-ditch effort to salvage an irrelevant career, Aaron went on Dancing With The Stars in 2009. He actually did pretty well, placing fifth. I'd post a vid of his performance, but those videos are too mainstream. I'm all about that obscure, underground AC. More underground is this Wikipedia table showing his performances and scores throughout the season.
| Week # | Dance/Song | Judges' score | Result | ||
| Inaba | Goodman | Tonioli | |||
| 1 | Cha cha cha | 7 | 8 | 7 | Safe |
| 2 | Quickstep | 9 | 9 | 9 | Safe |
| 3 | Rumba | 8 | 6 | 7 | Safe |
| 4 | Lambada | 6 | 6 | 6 | Bottom Two |
| 5 | Argentine tango | 8 | 8 | 8 | Bottom Two |
| 6 | Waltz/Mambo Marathon | 8 | 9 | 8 | Safe |
| 7 | Jive/Team Paso Doble | 9 | 10 | 10 | Safe |
| 8 | Foxtrot/'90s Samba | 7/9 | 8/9 | 8/9 | Eliminated |
But you can't keep Aaron down for long. He's back, clean, and better than ever, and is on tour RIGHT NOW. AND HE'S COMING TO MADISON March 5th @ The Majestic. Let's be honest, if you made it this far into this post, you probably have to go. To get hyped, check AC lip-synching his new song on this obscure Philadelphia morning show, where he also recounts an uncomfortable and very inappropriately timed story about how he saw the first plane hit the twin towers on 9/11 while hanging out with Macaulay Culkin. Yep. AC's back, bitch.
Well, that about wraps it up. I have nothing more to day. AC is life. AC is God. Jesus fed the multitudes with five loaves of bread and two fish, but Aaron Carter had ten skits on a twelve track album.
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