Weezer: The Last Weez?

So Weezer came out with a new album, and I was kinda excited.  It's the follow up to 2014's Everything Will Be Alright In the End, an album that I really liked, and a listening experience that was made even more satisfying by the fact that it was the first listenable album the band had put out in more than a decade.  The album even addressed the awfulness that had come before it -- Rivers Cuomo actually apologizes for making shitty music in the lyrics of "Back to the Shack", which is a classic super lame, borderline cringey Rivers move.  But, as opposed to the incredible amount of crap that came before it, EWBAITE has good songs on it.  And it was consistent, something the Weez can't claimed to have pulled off since Pinkerton, probably.

So now we have the White Album.  Will Weezer run out of colors?  I hope not.  Count me in for the Mauve Album.

The White Album is alright, but it's complacent alrightness is exactly what annoys me.  I really hoped that Everything Will Be Alright In the End was a real turning point for a new phase of Weezer's career.  That album seemed to signal a new era of Weezer records, with quality that didn't reach the Blue/Pinkerton era but definitely beat out the Green/Maladroit tier of things.  But now I'm really not sure.  This is.... decent.  After a couple listens, it's grown on me a bit.  I like the first track the best, California Kids, as well as (Girl We Got A) Good Thing.  But the latter song is indicative of the larger problem here.  The song has this good palm muted chug going on, some decent arpeggios, some feedback-y hooks, but it's all buffed clean and mixed into the background by the production.

Weezer was always very poppy, but the way they're presenting their music now, they're pop-first and rock second.  It's annoying.  There's a bunch of light pianos on here too.  I don't need pianos.  One of the coolest things about Weezer is the chugging, heavy, surprisingly aggressive guitars with this strange, awkward dude singing over the top.  This album really limits that, or at least really smooths the rougher edges.  With the direction they took with the production and arrangements, I think Weezer is playing away from their strengths.  But I guess that's really a stupid criticism.  Weezer, somehow, has survived as one of the most prominent mainstream rock bands around, so it's not like they're gonna be recording on a 4-track.

The lyrics here are also weaker than Everything, and occasionally Rivers Cuomo goes back to the well of facepalming, stupid, cringey stanzas that he has visited all too often in the last decade.  I.e. on "King of the World".

Dad hit you on the hand

Just for holding your chopsticks wrong

Then your Mom locked you in a shed

And Uncle Sam dropped an atom bomb

I guess this really doesn't happen too often, but often enough to matter.  Most of the lyrics are fine, and are all California-centric, which is is neat.  It's why some jabronies are calling this a concept album, but that's freaking stupid.  Yeah, the lyrics are fine. But that's all they are.  Rivers Cuomo has shown the capability to be really clever or illicit complex emotions, and that's not really here.

Of course, I've failed to mention "Thank God for Girls" up until this point, and I'd like to point out that everything that I've said so far applies to the nine other tracks on this album.  "Thank God for Girls" gets its own paragraph.

This song is fucking horrible.  Rivers Cuomo still thinks rap-rock is OK in 2016, and either he completely missed the music of the early 2000s, likes Sum-41, or is a hyper-ironic meme lord.  The atrocity of this song is only to be rivaled by it's "lyric video", which features a horrendously long-haired and mustachioed Rivers smashing cannolies into his face.  The song's instrumentation is pretty bland, with that stupid piano bopping along to the beat for most of it.  The lyrics themselves are really where the action is.   And guess what?  They're conveniently annotated and verified by Rivers himself on Genius!  Let's take a look-see.

The truth is that I’m just as scared I don’t know how to act

I wish that I could get to know her better

But meeting up in real life would cause the illusion to shatter

Rivers' Annotation: "That's what happens with Tinder!"

Deep shit man.  Luckily you're married with kids, so you have a great perspective on the emotional intricacies of Tinder.

God took a rib from Adam, ground it up in a centrifuge machine

Mixed it with cardamom and cloves, microwaved it on the popcorn setting

While Adam was like “that really hurts”

Rivers' Annotation: "*picture of a microwave with a popcorn setting*"

That's not the part I was confused about.

I’m like an Indian Fakir tryna’ meditate on a bed of nails with my pants pulled down

Rivers' Annotation: "*picture of Indian Fakir meditating on bed of nails*"

Dude, what the fuck is this line.  Don't just post a pic and move on like everything is normal.

She’s so big

She’s so strong

She’s so energetic in her sweaty overalls

Rivers' Annotation: "I’m so jealous of the hooker-uppers

Seems like it’s so easy to get laid now

all these good looking atheletic young guys

r getting so much free sex

it kills me

laxitutes.

Such a bummer. Such a bummer.

To be evaluated by women. To be graded. To be rated.

Where do I stand? How big? How strong? How enduring? How energetic? How inventive?

So sad that it comes to this. So sad.

It IS a competition and I AM being compared"

Woah.  A lot to parse here.  First of all, terrible, terrible line.  Second of all, is this annotation supposed to be a poem?  And what the fuck?  You are 45 and married with two children.  And you're jealous of how "athletic young guys r getting so much free sex"?

Of course, Rivers Cuomo acting like he has the problems of a 14 year old has been an issue for a while now.  Anyone who made it through the first eight tracks on Raditude to get to "The Mall" knows that all too well.  And this album is no exception.  These are fourty-something white dudes playing songs about getting high and "LA Girlz" and other such things.  It's kinda weird and it'll only get weirder, given how time tends to go in one direction.

Yet, in the end, this album is good.  It proved that Everything Will Be Alright In the End wasn't a fluke, and that Weezer plans on actually making decent music in the foreseeable future.  This album has real consistency, as in I want to listen to more than three songs on it, which can't be said for really any other album after Pinkerton and before Everything Will Be Alright.  But they do seem to be leaning towards a watered-down sound, and goddamn, "Thank God for Girls" is just so bad.  A lot of the problems with Weezer are still present, and they seem intent on sticking with their formula, but the fact remains that they're just doing it better now.  If I'm ranking Weezer albums, I'd put it in the vicinity of Green Album and Maladroit, and well above the mid-2000's string of garbage.  And anything that prevents another "Hurley" or "Death of False Metal" from being unleashed on the world is alright in my book.

6/10